Tonight I feel like a small child on Christmas morning. After all the anticipation of wondering what my tiny wrapped ‘present’ might contain, it has finally revealed itself to my wonder and excitement.

Now I realize that many of you might look at this image and think “why is she so happy about this picture with all its flaws and obvious technical defects?”……Why?…..because it closely resembles the exact vision I had in mind for my new series ‘As Darkness Falls’. I want this project to look gritty and surreal, like a waking nightmare. I want defects and imperfections to mirror and enhance the emotional tone of the content.

This was the reason I turned to the humble Holga to bring my urban vignettes alive.

Of course being new to film and the quirky Holga (in particular) I was afraid it would take me a long time to achieve anything close to the images scratching at the inside of my imagination. For me it doesn’t seem to matter how much technical knowledge I amass or how many creations I breath life into, there is always a moment right before I begin a new project where I panic and think “I’m never going to be able to do this”.

Projecting your thoughts onto a blank filmstrip and then holding them up for the world to view is always a mildly terrifying experience. The logistics of how to shoot it are also overwhelming. There are so many different ways, different mediums, different cameras, different opinions, different lighting and different outcomes. It’s no wonder so many artists self-medicate…..the mind spins just considering the possibilities.

Given all these variables you can hopefully begin to understand why I was singing “happy, happy, joy, joy…” and dancing around my apartment in a child-like fashion when I realized I potentially had some worthwhile images on this first roll.

As it turns out two of the twelve shots should be keepers.

The firetruck: shot with my 120 film Holga

This is the first one. The image I believed had the most potential when I shot it. The one I was anxiously waiting to see.

Serendipitous events (happy accidents) definitely play a part in a photographers life. Turning onto my neighbourhood street at the precise moment a fire truck (in all its siren blazing glory) screeched to halt right in front of me was a gift from the creative universe.

(I know I am morally flawed for being excited about the drama of the fire truck image while the residents of the apartment building were wondering if they would have homes in the morning. Looking at the scene from behind a lens definitely detaches you from the reality of the moment. I find it a strange paradox to be an artist sometimes. We are obsessed with presenting the world as we see it yet we are always somewhat living as outsiders.)

The fire truck definitely projects the dark undertone I was hoping for and will now be the foundation that I build the rest of my series on. For the technically minded, I shot this hand-held at night with a 14 second exposure using the ‘bulb’ setting. I wanted that strange motion/blurred effect in the images (hence no tripod).

As someone who has suffered from chronic insomnia since childhood I have always wanted to document my night wanderings and now I am finally exploring this part of my life. Tomorrow night I’m going out in search of other night owls like me to shoot….adventure awaits…

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